On the High School Years
The Beginning of the End Issue
If you’re just at the beginning of the high school years, it may feel like the end is still far off but I warn you, the ball sure does start rolling quickly once it starts.
The end is nigh, my friend. You’ve been working yourself out of a job and when you make it to the high school years, and you should begin to feel that change. It sounds somber to call it “the end,” but remember it’s just the end of a chapter and not the whole book. You’re still your teen’s parent, after all ;).
As I said in a past article, the high school years are a different animal in many ways, the lens often focused on the future. More complex subject matter, heavier work loads, afternoon jobs, driver’s license, friends, formals, sports, hobbies, dual enrollment classes, prep for the ACT, and post-high school plans disrupt what was previously a lovely and semi-predictable homeschool routine. All of these things require the same thing: more time.
A wise woman once told me when our kids were young that you really only have until they are fifteen. To do what, I was never quite sure, but now that we’re beyond that benchmark I know what she meant. Your role as a parent and educator changes. Your impact, though still felt, is felt in a different capacity. Your child’s world broadens and though you are likely still the most prominent voice — and should be — you are not the only one. There is a definite shift around this age as teens grapple for autonomy and understanding of who they are and how they fit in this world. They begin to look for purpose outside of your home.
While it’s a good, healthy, and necessary thing to grow, the bittersweet truth is your homeschool will begin to feel different as you have less control over everyone’s schedule. The long, leisurely days of family read alouds and afternoons spent on nature walks may start to disappear from your schedule if you’re not intentional. And let’s be honest, even if you are intentional, there just won’t be as much time for them as there used to be.
If you’ve been a Charlotte Mason homeschooler for the majority of your child’s education, you will need to adjust perspective slightly in the high school years. Don’t worry, the philosophy holds for these years, as well, and the feast is still what’s on the menu but in some ways, you’ve gotta play the game to help your child get what he wants. You’ll have to “teach to the test” if he wants his driver’s license or a good ACT/SAT score. Most colleges are test-optional — certainly, colleges will be very happy to take your money — but if your child wants to earn scholarships, he’ll have to get a good test score.
If your child is interested in going to college, much of that planning begins January of his junior year. There will be camps you can sign up for that are only available the summer after junior year, scholarship windows, and dual enrollment applications among other things. Go ahead, mark your calendar ;).
The high school years are about posture; your student’s posture as well as yours. The torch has been being very slowly passed from you to your child over the years and the final high school years are a great time to put it in his hands and see how he does.
Education is preparation for life. This is the “handing off” stage. Once your teen is driving, can he get around on his own? Schedule and go to his own haircut appointments (even if you still foot the bill) and dinner hang outs with friends? Cook meals, change a tire, order a pizza, fill out a job application, do laundry, budget his money, get an oil change, plan his academic calendar for the week? Does he have a bank account that he keeps up with? Little by little, you should be shifting responsibility to your teen whenever possible so he can practice being an adult in the comfort and safety of your home. What steps do you need to take to help him become independent?
Then there are the more sentimental matters that pull at a mother’s heartstrings. Which books did you really, really want to read together as a family that you haven’t gotten to yet? What has he always wanted to study but hasn’t had the chance? Is there a trip you’d love to take with all the kids while they are still all home together? And the not so sentimental but necessary questions like, are there any state graduation requirements you need to fulfill? Anything required from his top choice colleges?
By this time you have probably narrowed down the subjects your student is not interested in pursuing as an adult. For example, he needs to take math in high school but someone who hates math is likely not going to go into a heavy math-based career so advanced courses won’t be necessary. Now is the time to start honing in on the intersection of his interests and talents. In other words, his “sweet spot” as Max Lucado calls it in his fantastic book, Cure for the Common Life. This is the time to look for opportunities to expose your teen to the fields he is interested in to see if they might be a fit. Job shadowing, interviews, camps, summer jobs, and dual enrollment classes are great ways you might do this.
At the end of 8th grade, I took out a sheet of looseleaf (because I’m a 90s kid) and wrote down every single thing I wanted my sons to cover before graduation. Anything from Algebra 2 to reading The Great Gatsby to knowing how to change a tire went on the list. It was a very long list. I went back through, organized it, and made peace with the fact that there was no way he was actually going to finish the whole list. I told myself I could give him a “Really Great Books We Never Got To” list as part of his graduation present.
As I planned each term, I’d reference the list and see where I could fit things and I’d cross the list off as we went. I added new items as they popped in my head or as conversations with my husband or son happened and removed ones that we decided were unnecessary.
Now here we are, wrapping up our final homeschool year together and as predicted, the list still has items on it that aren’t going to get checked off (Sorry, Tolstoy, Anna Karenina is not in the cards, after all). That’s okay. What’s impressive, though, is all the things that did get checked off that might not have if I hadn’t intentionally written them down. And, the end of your time homeschooling does not (should not) mean the end of your teen’s education whether he’s college-bound or not. God willing, he’ll pick up books you didn’t get to and read them on his own one day.
You can recognize a mom of a high schooler by the bewildered look in her eyes as she tries to figure out where the time has gone. There is no need to panic, but the high school years do require a little more of a sense of urgency than the past years have. Time does actually run out. You will actually reach your last year of homeschooling. And it will happen more quickly than you think.
That being said, there are so many good, good things in the high school years to look forward to. You’ve spent years working hard planting seeds and nurturing growth and now it’s time to enjoy the fruits of the harvest. Education is a science of relations and so many connections are made in the high school years. You get to watch your child grow up into an educated person who you (hopefully) love spending time with. Someone who not only thinks, not only “knows,” but who cares1. Someone who discusses ideas and forms convictions and has interesting conversations.
Ignore the stereotypes about the tumultuous teen years and enjoy this time with your high schooler. Take him out for coffee and ask about what he’s reading. Go on excursions any chance you get. Stay up way too late talking about the deep thoughts and questions of his heart that seem to only emerge after midnight. Watch all those movies with him that he was too little to watch before. Buy pizza and pop and all the snacks you typically wouldn’t buy for him and his friends when they come over. Turn a blind eye to the mess and be grateful that your house is a place they’re comfortable hanging out at. Be kind and patient; remember he’s still trying to figure life out and will make plenty of mistakes. Continue to cover him in prayer and trust his steps to the Father who loves him perfectly.
Bake him cookies and read to him even though he’s taller than you. Laugh at his jokes. Take him seriously. Send him to the store to buy groceries with your debit card. Make him fill up the gas tank when he borrows the car. Give him as much responsibility as he can handle. Remember to include all of life into his high school curriculum; teach him what to look for in a wife, how dangerous it is to get into debt, and how important it is to stay in God’s Word. Embrace this new season with grace and a smile.
Let him be big.
Let him grow.
And begin to let go.
Resources*
All six of Charlotte Mason’s volumes, but especially this one
Homeschooling High School with Melissa McMahan
Autism in the Teen Years with Raun K. Kaufman
Raising a Good Man with Nathan Clarkson
Ambleside Online on High School
Simply Charlotte Mason’s Your Questions Answered: High School
IEW podcast episode: Hacking High School
Read Aloud Revival episode: What Worked? What Didn’t?
Mere Motherhood by Cindy Rollins
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Till next time,
Cindy
*Many of the resources contain affiliate links. If you purchase an affiliate product, your price does not increase but I do get a tiny "thank you" portion from the company for recommending their products. I only have an affiliate relationship with products I use and love.
“The question is not, -- how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education -- but how much does he care? and about how many orders of things does he care? In fact, how large is the room in which he finds his feet set? and, therefore, how full is the life he has before him?”
―Charlotte Mason,School Education: Developing A Curriculum
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/178724-the-question-is-not----how-much-does-the-youth