On Reflection & Expectation

The Goal Setting Issue

This is one of my favorite weeks of the year.

It’s the “already, not yet” week. We have already experienced most of the year — we’ve made it through Christmas morning, decking the halls, singing carols, and slowly, slowly, we are emerging from our cocoa coma to realize a new year is upon us. This new year is a gift full of anticipation and though there are no guarantees, we make our plans, say our prayers, set our goals, and hope for a tomorrow better than yesterday, as good as yesterday may have been.

Yet those of us who have lived enough years know that there will be trouble; dashed dreams, broken hearts, sickness, mourning, and disrupted plans. Goals will be unmet. Plans will change. And oh, among this hurt and sadness, joyful surprises will nurse our hearts and encourage us to hope once more.

Already, not yet.

For believers, we know that means we live in a world where Jesus has already rescued us, and yet…He has not returned for good. We still live in a broken world. So we wait in joyful hope. And sometimes in trembling fear, humble remorse, patient (or impatient) longing. We wait, but we live in the meantime. We strive to thrive and not merely survive. We look with longing and the longing leads us upward toward ideals of living not necessarily a great life, but a good one.

This week captures that feeling better than any week of the year. It is full of reflection; it is full of expectation. Anything is possible…for better or for worse.

So we make our plans. We lay them out like an offering. We hope that He multiplies the good and tosses out the bad as far as the east is from the west.

We prepare to restart our homeschool year. We look upon it with fresh eyes after a long break. Things look clear — we wonder what in the world we were thinking adding that curriculum in the fall and we throw it out without looking back. We see with renewed confidence which books need to be read, which skills need to be honed, which habits need to be practice, which activities can get cut, which holes need to be filled, which branches need to be pruned.

We pray and consider what this season of our life looks like as the mother, the homeschooler, the wife, the friend, the ________. We feel confident we will be able to wear all the hats and look great in them.

The new year is a blank slate in some ways — a day (rather, a year) with “no mistakes in it yet,” in the words of Anne. And yet, He has seen every day already. He knows our story; it’s in the book. But we have the privilege of playing our part. It’s a mystery in so many ways.

I’ve always been a pretty nostalgic person and part of that plays out through regular reflection and looking at life as one big story, so it makes sense that New Year’s is one of my favorite holidays. Reflection helps us see with perspective but I can’t for the life of me predict the future.

When Christians set goals, we are partnering with God. We are jumping up, raising our hand, standing at attention saying “I’m here. I’m available. I’m ready.” It would be a grave mistake to think we have the right to say, “Okay, Lord, here’s what I need to happen this year.” That’s why prayer covers it all.

Goal setting is a matter of good stewardship. God is sovereign but we are responsible for our time here. The farmer is not, as the adage goes, to lean on a shovel and pray for a hole. We’re all on the clock while we walk this earth and goal setting asks the question: “how are you spending your working hours?”

As a homeschool mom, it can feel like educating your children is your only job. While motherhood is full-time, it is not “full-you.” In fact, if you allow it to become all of you, you’ll have nothing to pour out for your children. Goal setting is very much a way to take on the responsibility of shaping your family culture, your marriage, your children and yourself.

Writing Goals & Family Day

Around New Year’s Day, we get the whole family together (there is usually food involved and a fun activity following) to look back over the past year and forward into the next.

My husband and I get together before this meeting to prepare. First we talk about our personal goals — how did we do last year? what do we hope for next year? — and then discuss family goals.

Remember, goals should be specific, measurable, and attainable. So instead of saying “I’ll start exercising,” try, “I’ll walk one mile every day after morning time.” It helps to break goals down into categories and in order of priority as a reminder that if you are strong in one, it will trickle down and benefit the others. The stronger you are spiritually, the better your marriage; the better your marriage, the better your mothering; the better your mothering, the better your homeschool, and so on. None of these can exist without each other because they comprise who you are. With my goals in categories, I can see where I’m uneven and if I’m lacking in areas that need growth. It shows me where God is working in my life and helps me — just ever so slightly — get a glimpse into the future.

Family goals affect everyone. These can be fun “bucket list” kind of things like, “get a cabin on the lake this summer” or the less fun like, “get the driveway fixed.” Since I am the one more excited about this meeting, I tend to bring the ideas to the table and my husband and I sort them out together.

We will usually choose a focus word/phrase for the year. Past choices have included things like “smooth transition,” “growth,” and “faith.” I try to find a bible verse to support our choice. Then as a nice little shock to the system, I list the age that everyone will turn this upcoming year. This is a reminder that our goals need to reflect the actual age, stage, and season we are in. In other words, it helps me cling tightly to reality and let go of some things while pressing into new adventures.

Each of our kids prepares their goals ahead of time, too. When they were little I’d have them pick only three goals (mind, body, soul) but now that they are older, they choose one or two within the same categories as my husband and I do: spiritual, mental, physical, financial, relational, and creative.

When we’re all together, we open in prayer and we talk about God’s faithfulness to our family over the past year. The highlights, like a big accomplishment or trip or a new friend brought into our lives, sit next to the more difficult events, like deaths, job losses, and unexpected changes. We count it all because we can see how God was faithful to our family in not only the joyful times, but through the pain and hardship, as well. I usually scroll back through our pictures from the year with the family as a prompt and almost always, the verdict is, “wow, we had a really good year.” We write the highlights down in a notebook titled, “A Record of God’s Faithfulness to Us” so we can remember.

Finally, we lay all the goals out to discuss — first personal and then family goals. This is great for accountability, building family culture, and getting the calendar in order. I would like to say that we sit cozily on the couch through all of this, reflecting and discussing, reminiscing and hoping forward, but the truth is this meeting is usually noisy, full of interruptions, and lasts longer than we’d all like (hence the food and the promise of a fun activity afterwards). Making memories is usually messy. Do not be discouraged if you try this and it’s not picture-perfect; it’s still working, I promise. We’ve been doing this for years and it is fruitful every time. We end our meeting by covering our goals in prayer; then we move forward into the year on the path we’ve planned, aware that we will inevitably encounter roadblocks and mishaps, but sure, nevertheless, of the Guide who leads us.

Do you/your family set goals every year? What does it look like? I’d love to hear from you.

Till next time,

Cindy